It's been awhile

Well its been a week since I wrote anything here... my poppop passed away soon after I wrote my previous post... my dad called and I started getting upset before he even said the words...Then I called my sister and brother and had to tell them the bad news.. Sean called and I told him... :( no words can even describe how upset, sad and angry I felt! We went to PA on Wednesday... I just wanted to get there soooo bad! It felt so good to see my dad and my sisters and my mommom, all I wanted to do was cry when I walked into mommom and poppop's house but I couldn't yet, I had to be strong. After seeing everyone we went to my dad's house and stayed up most of the night just talking, when Sean and I finally went to bed I just broke down.. I can't believe that he is actually gone now... I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful husband that has been so helpful and understanding and comforting during all of this. I love you sooo much Sean! <3


Thursday we went shopping for a few things that we needed, made 2 photo boards full of pictures of the family and poppop and then spent the evening at the funeral home for the viewing. There were sooooo many people that came! Poppop was loved by so many people!
It was really hard seeing him, he didn't look like him...but I will always have the memory of him in my mind... I picture him the way he looked when I was a kid and spent so much time with him.. 


Its hard to write about all that I feel right now because this is all too new that I don't know if I'm ready to talk about everything...
My sister and I wrote something to read at the service on Friday and it was the hardest speech I've ever had to give....
this is what we wrote and read at the church

A man in Ireland once said, “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” But ‎"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, and no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

My Poppop had a full life filled with love, family, friends, and happiness.  He touched the lives of so many people he met. He touched my life in a very special way and I know that he will always be with me.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a strong bond or relationship with their parents and having only one present parent in my life caused me to lean on the loved ones closest to me…my Mommom and Poppop. Having this kind of love and bond was like having 2 fathers in my life. At a very young age I began spending a lot of time with Poppop. He would drive us all over Berks County just to find a new playground to explore and on the way there my brother and sisters and I would have so much fun in the back of his van. Even on rainy days we had fun inside, watching the Sci-Fi Channel and playing Memory. As we got older and were actively involved in school, he was always there behind us, routing us on. Whether it was at a Track meet, Basketball game, Musical, Chorus concert or just encouraging us to get A’s on our report cards with the offer of an extra dollar.

Poppop loved having kids around the house and spending his time with his grandchildren although he couldn’t always get our names straight. One of the boys would be doing something and he’d be yelling Ray, Darryl, Gary, Joel, Jon, Kyle, Jason, Matthew, until he finally got to the right name. Same thing with the girls but the list was even longer!

I’ll always remember Poppop around the holidays, he loved having the family surrounded around the tables for dinner, at Christmas he’d get the snowman and nativity set out along with Mr. and Mrs. Claus to set out on the porch and the train set he had to set up around the Christmas tree. Family was everything to him, he was a warm-hearted spirited man, who was the back bone to the family.

Poppop has always been a man of faith. He always encouraged us to keep our faith and to keep the Lord on our side. Poppop knew when it was his time to come. Before I left for college I sat next to him one day and he said to me he wasn’t scared anymore, he knew God would protect him. He told me that while he was in the hospital one night he was scared to go and to leave his loved ones behind but one night angels came to him in his sleep and told him his time was soon and that he wasn’t supposed to be scared anymore, he was going to be at peace soon where he could rejoice with the Lord.

If he were here with me today he would tell me not to be upset but to be thankful for having the opportunity to share wonderful memories that will last a lifetime with him. I will always be able to look back and know that up until now each time something significant occurred in my life, my Poppop was there to be a part of it. I was able to grow as a better person with him in my life. I grew with him there by my side. I know he will always watch over me and continue to help me grow to be stronger and wiser person.

I love you Poppop! <3

My sisters wanted to get tattoes on Saturday for Poppop and I wanted to, too, but I couldn't go through with it... I was nervous I felt like I was going to be sick. 

Being without Poppop is all too new that I was too emotional and couldn't do it, but I stayed there and watched my sisters. 

I'm so lucky to have my sisters and my brother! We all have always leaned on each other and this is one time when we really needed to lean on each other and it was great to have the 4 of us together. 

I love you guys sooo much! 

I can't wait to move closer to home! Sean gets out in 5 months and I can't wait til the day we are closer to all the people we love




RIP Poppop....9/20/1935-11/1/2010