It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

I can't believe that tomorrow is December 1st! I mean I really can't believe its this time of the year already! I remember as a kid my dad would always say that once you are out of school the years just fly by and I never thought much of it then. Now I can't believe we are at the end of 2010. Where does the time go?!Really where does it go?!

I can't believe that my daughter is 4years old already, my son is 8 months old and my husband and I have been together and happy for nearly 6 years now! <3 

I'm sooooo excited for the holidays!!! Especially this year! I can't wait to spend them with my family and welcome in the new year! 

We decorated for Christmas today! The plan was to do it yesterday since we were in NY for Thanksgiving and didn't get back until Sunday night, we didn't get to do it on our usual time which is the weekend after Thanksgiving. Last night things ended up getting too late because before we decorate our tree we need our 2010 ornament. Sean and I, on our first Christmas together decided that a tradition we would start is each year, each person chooses a new ornament for the tree and that's the last thing that goes on before the star. Last year was the only year we didn't do it because Sean was in Afghanistan and it didn't feel right to do it without him. This year we went out, Chloe got her ballerina ornament, Liam got a baby's first Christmas ornament, Sean got a Perry the Platypus ornament and I got a Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog ornament :) 

I need to find a new Fennessey family one too, now that we have mister Liam :) After the tree we put up lights in the kitchen windows and earlier today Chloe helped me put the light up candy canes along the front walkway. There's a little more to do but it will get finished up this week. 

We decided that we are going to be in North Carolina for Christmas. It will be our last December living here and only time that we will spend Christmas without any extended family. It will be just us 4 :) 

I'd really like to be with our families but this makes more sense and will be special to spend our first Christmas as a family of 4 in our home. 

New Years may be celebrated in PA...I'm keeping my fingers crossed we do it because I miss my family a ton!! 2011 looks like its going be a great year, well atleast I hope that it's going to be a great year for us. There will be alot of change but alot of good change. I'm sooo looking forward to moving back to the north. We will be living on Long Island in New York and I'm anxious to see how this goes. Looking for jobs and place to live should be interesting and fun but I just hope its not too long of a process. I'm nervous about not being able to find a job right away but I keep looking and plan to apply at places closer to moving time. I'm also nervous about our house here in NC. We are putting it on the market in January and I'm praying that it sells or rents out fairly soon!

We'll thats all for now...I need to try to catch up on some sleep, Liam is teething and had momma up for awhile last night and just as he was going back to sleep, my 6am alarm was going off! Booo! Looking at the clock now and 6am is just getting closer... g'night! 

Not a fan of the germy germs :/

Being sick sucks big time! I am not one to get sick often, and last winter I made it without getting sick and I was pregnant so that was great but already we are sharing our germs back and forth in the Fennessey household. We got back from PA and Chloe had a cold, then Sean and I were feeling like something was coming on so we got the Zicam right away and we were good to go. Then Chloe shared what she likes to call her germy germs with poor Liam so he now has his first cold and he does not like it one bit! He is such a momma's boy he wants me all the time. Even if he is sitting happy on the couch with daddy and sissy he sees me walk in the room and its all of a sudden momma is what he needs to make him feel better. Sooo Liam and Chloe shared their germs with me and now momma is really feeling yucky! I'm surprised I'm even on the computer now because I was ready to go to bed at 6pm. lol but the kids are in bed and I'm watching the Eagles a little while my wonderful husband makes me some hot tea with honey :) I love him! <3

On top of being sick I am frustrated and worried about Liam. On Friday night I was making dinner, Liam was crawling around on the floor playing and Chloe came in to play with him. They were playing together and it was soooo cute :) but then the nice playing goes to hell because Liam starts screaming.. I didn't know what happen but Chloe was moving the stools around so I though maybe she got his hand with one or with the wheel of the highchair. Then she tells us that she is sorry because she put something in his ear. I don't know what she was thinking or why she would try to put things in his ear but she found a twist tie from the loaf of bread on the counter and put it in his ear. We panicked a little at first and were very upset with her but then he seemed to be fine. Saturday afternoon I noticed a little dried up blood in his ear, wanted to rush him to the hospital but he still didnt seem like it bothered him so I didn't make a big deal of it. Well since I was going to take him to the doctor for his cold and diaper rash today I talked with the dr about the ear. She checked it out and our worst fears are real... because of what happen Liam has a hole in his eardrum :( There is a large build up of blood in his ear that the dr wants to let go and see if it will push its way out then we are going to go back in 3 weeks to take a look. She said that it can heal up on its own but it would take months to heal and it all depends on how big the hole is. If it doesn't heal up on its own he will need surgery to reconstruct his eardrum ugh! and no matter which way it goes he will need to continually see a speech therapist and have hearing tests to make sure that this doesn't affect his speech or hearing and if it does in order to help the problem. I just pray that its not the worst case scenario and that his eardrum heals quickly and we don't have any problems with his hearing and speech. I especially worry about that because he is at the age where Chloe started to make more noises and was trying to say things and he is doing the same thing. Yesterday he said "Dada" for the first time!!! Which was more exciting for Sean of course LOL but it secretly haha makes me sooo happy too because of course its his first word and I know that how much we talk with him helps him learn and I love teaching my kids and watching them learn new things  :) now we are working on Momma!! :) He is always crawling around the house saying ummmmaaa ummmmaaa lol so hes needs to get things changed a little and say maaaamaaa :) 

well I guess if I wanted to say more I shouldn't have taken my medicine so soon because I am ready to fall asleep now...here's to getting a good night sleep so maybe I will feel better tomorrow :) 

New Car!

Well since car buying took longer than expected yesterday I didn't get to say Happy Veteran's Day to all the vets out there, most especially to my Veteran! :) 
These are some of my favorite pictures that make my husband the best Vet I know! I love him so much and am so proud of all that he had done for our country and for our family. We have endured alot together during his time in the Army and soon the time in the Army will come to an end but I will always be proud to call him my husband and will always be the proud wife of a Veteran!

Home from 1st deployment(Afghanistan) Nov. 2005 

Home from 2nd deployment( Iraq) Dec 2006

Daddy and Chloe meeting for the first time <3 (Chloe 3 months old)

Home from 3rd deployment(Iraq) Nov 2007

This is LOVE <3

Home from 4th deployment(Afghanistan) Jan 2010

So other than being so proud of my husband on veterans day, Chloe and I made him a yummy breakfast while he stayed in bed and played black ops :) Then we went car shopping! YAY! we ended up trading in our '02 Jeep Grand Cherokee for a brand new 2011 Ford Focus :) we got an amazing deal! Thank you USAA! and are so happy about the choice we made! We have doubled the mileage since getting it yesterday but thats because it only had 16 miles on it when we pulled out of the lot! AMAZING! lol 

Afterwards we went to Outback and got our free blooming onion...delicious! We thought of going to Applebees since veterans eat free but we went there a couple years ago and they were so packed and we both decided Outback was good for us! It turned out to be a really good day for the whole family

Byebye Jeep!!

HELLO NEW FOCUS! :) 

Today we started on our checklist for moving... in 5 months Sean will go on terminal leave and then ETS from the Army so we have been going back and forth on selling or renting our home. We still plan to talk with our realtor before making the decision but it looks like we will end up renting it out. We have a looooonnng list of things to do but the biggest project was cleaning and organizing the garage. It still needs some more to be done but for the most part is finished and looks amazing compared to what it looked like when we walked in there this morning. I hope to get some painting done this weekend...our master bath still needs paint so hopefully we can check that off our list and cleaning cleaning cleaning will be happening all tomorrow morning before we go to Robert's birthday party :) 

Chloe CANT WAIT for Robert's birthday party! She is soooo excited! She's been talking about it all week and I'm surprised I've been able to keep her from opening his present haha 

well thats all for now! Liam is in bed and Chloe is watching some tv before bed...then its time to spend with the hubb... catching up on our shows and playing black ops 

:) 

until next time..

Liz 

You and me baby we're stuck like glue...

I am sitting here watching the CMA's with Sean, so far awards have gone to some great artists and there has been some good performances :) I love Lady A and the Zac Brown Band, I could listen to them all the time...right now Taylor Swift is performing. I like her alot too (especially being from Berks County PA!lol) but am surprised at what she is preforming, I need to download her new album so I know these new songs. Chloe has been begging to get it because she got her CD last year and knows all the songs, then saw the new album at Target and the Taylor Swift Barbie doll so she wants it all for Christmas. I am also LOVING all of Carrie Underwood's outfits! I wanna have a reason to get all dressed up and pretty and go somewhere...still waiting for a ball to come up that we could go to but with Sean getting out in 5 months with our luck his battalion will have one right after he gets out. We ALWAYS miss them because he is always deployed during them. Anyway I really want to see all of these people in concert! I need to start searching stub hub and buying tickets haha..


Soo tomorrow is car shopping day! :) We are finally going to try to get rid of our jeep that is falling apart, well not really falling apart, we've just had to put so much money into it lately that we need something better that isn't going to keep having problems and has much better gas mileage. We are looking at the 2011 Chevy Cobalt, Ford Focus and Ford Fiesta. I think we are starting at the Ford Dealer first... I will update on this afterwards and hopefully have some new pics of a new car!! 


so some of my goals and new projects are coming along...I have come so far with my Yeakley Family calendar, I am hoping that it will be all done by the end of November. I am so glad that poppop and mommom were so excited about the idea when I told them back in early October! Now I am working on getting pictures of every family member now and then once its all together I can get them all printed. I got an email from mommom today and she is going to come visit with us after the holidays and I can't wait! I need to remind myself to call her tomorrow for more photos and everyone's addresses to include in the calendar with the family tree. 


With everything that has gone on the past 2 weeks I am trying really hard to keep myself busy, if I dont I'm going to go crazy... so I've been trying my hardest to get my Thirty One business going! I want to succeed and go far with it! I'm hoping to book more parties, do some events and possibly get new recruits! So far I am doing good and was happy to receive my first paycheck this week :) anyone that wants to check it out and have a holiday party should let me know! I love the stuff and its a lot of fun! :) www.mythirtyone.com/mrsfen


Well I think I will get back to the CMA's and spending time with the man I love <3 especially with our kiddos in bed, sound asleep for the past hour now and I got him away from his new call of duty game LOL 




Until later... :) 




Liz 

It's been awhile

Well its been a week since I wrote anything here... my poppop passed away soon after I wrote my previous post... my dad called and I started getting upset before he even said the words...Then I called my sister and brother and had to tell them the bad news.. Sean called and I told him... :( no words can even describe how upset, sad and angry I felt! We went to PA on Wednesday... I just wanted to get there soooo bad! It felt so good to see my dad and my sisters and my mommom, all I wanted to do was cry when I walked into mommom and poppop's house but I couldn't yet, I had to be strong. After seeing everyone we went to my dad's house and stayed up most of the night just talking, when Sean and I finally went to bed I just broke down.. I can't believe that he is actually gone now... I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful husband that has been so helpful and understanding and comforting during all of this. I love you sooo much Sean! <3


Thursday we went shopping for a few things that we needed, made 2 photo boards full of pictures of the family and poppop and then spent the evening at the funeral home for the viewing. There were sooooo many people that came! Poppop was loved by so many people!
It was really hard seeing him, he didn't look like him...but I will always have the memory of him in my mind... I picture him the way he looked when I was a kid and spent so much time with him.. 


Its hard to write about all that I feel right now because this is all too new that I don't know if I'm ready to talk about everything...
My sister and I wrote something to read at the service on Friday and it was the hardest speech I've ever had to give....
this is what we wrote and read at the church

A man in Ireland once said, “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” But ‎"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, and no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

My Poppop had a full life filled with love, family, friends, and happiness.  He touched the lives of so many people he met. He touched my life in a very special way and I know that he will always be with me.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a strong bond or relationship with their parents and having only one present parent in my life caused me to lean on the loved ones closest to me…my Mommom and Poppop. Having this kind of love and bond was like having 2 fathers in my life. At a very young age I began spending a lot of time with Poppop. He would drive us all over Berks County just to find a new playground to explore and on the way there my brother and sisters and I would have so much fun in the back of his van. Even on rainy days we had fun inside, watching the Sci-Fi Channel and playing Memory. As we got older and were actively involved in school, he was always there behind us, routing us on. Whether it was at a Track meet, Basketball game, Musical, Chorus concert or just encouraging us to get A’s on our report cards with the offer of an extra dollar.

Poppop loved having kids around the house and spending his time with his grandchildren although he couldn’t always get our names straight. One of the boys would be doing something and he’d be yelling Ray, Darryl, Gary, Joel, Jon, Kyle, Jason, Matthew, until he finally got to the right name. Same thing with the girls but the list was even longer!

I’ll always remember Poppop around the holidays, he loved having the family surrounded around the tables for dinner, at Christmas he’d get the snowman and nativity set out along with Mr. and Mrs. Claus to set out on the porch and the train set he had to set up around the Christmas tree. Family was everything to him, he was a warm-hearted spirited man, who was the back bone to the family.

Poppop has always been a man of faith. He always encouraged us to keep our faith and to keep the Lord on our side. Poppop knew when it was his time to come. Before I left for college I sat next to him one day and he said to me he wasn’t scared anymore, he knew God would protect him. He told me that while he was in the hospital one night he was scared to go and to leave his loved ones behind but one night angels came to him in his sleep and told him his time was soon and that he wasn’t supposed to be scared anymore, he was going to be at peace soon where he could rejoice with the Lord.

If he were here with me today he would tell me not to be upset but to be thankful for having the opportunity to share wonderful memories that will last a lifetime with him. I will always be able to look back and know that up until now each time something significant occurred in my life, my Poppop was there to be a part of it. I was able to grow as a better person with him in my life. I grew with him there by my side. I know he will always watch over me and continue to help me grow to be stronger and wiser person.

I love you Poppop! <3

My sisters wanted to get tattoes on Saturday for Poppop and I wanted to, too, but I couldn't go through with it... I was nervous I felt like I was going to be sick. 

Being without Poppop is all too new that I was too emotional and couldn't do it, but I stayed there and watched my sisters. 

I'm so lucky to have my sisters and my brother! We all have always leaned on each other and this is one time when we really needed to lean on each other and it was great to have the 4 of us together. 

I love you guys sooo much! 

I can't wait to move closer to home! Sean gets out in 5 months and I can't wait til the day we are closer to all the people we love




RIP Poppop....9/20/1935-11/1/2010

Never enough time..

Yesterday afternoon I called mommom to see how everything was going, I didn't talk to her long the night before because she was waiting for the ambulance company to bring poppop home from the hospital and waiting for the hospice nurse to come and talk with her about everything. Calling yesterday I found out a lot more about how the week in the hospital went and realized that things were even worse than I thought. He coded last Monday and was brought back because they didn't have his DNR, if I would've known that earlier I would be there now! Or would have made the trip up there before now :/

Today my sister called and said that he fell out of the bed last night, then my dad called me a few hours ago telling me that the whole family is there by his side. They don't think he is going to make it much longer. I hate being far away, I hate that I can't be there to see him, I hate that I'm not just a little bit closer so I could hop in the car and go! I hate that my brother is stuck in Texas, I'm stuck here and my sister is stuck at college until someone can pick her up. I have so many emotions running through me right now that I don't know what to say or how to feel, I'm sad, angry, frustrated, worried, jealous! yes I'm freaking jealous of everyone else that has had the time to spend with him. I'm jealous of the family that is less than 8-9 hours away and can be there for him and with him! I know that in times like this no matter how much time you get it wouldn't feel like enough but really there just isn't enough time! I wanted to go home this weekend to see him, I was looking up rental cars and flights...and now this...ugh! I miss my family and I miss poppop already! 

He hasn't been himself for awhile now but still every time I think of him I think of the past and how things have been growing up. I don't know anyone that has had such a close relationship with their grandparents like we have. Even all of my other cousins never seemed to have the same kind of bond. 

me and my poppop <3

Sam, Mommom, Cassie, Matt, Poppop and Me- Christmas 2009 & mommom and pops 51st anniversary

Now its just time to sit and wait for the bad news... and anyone that knows me well enough know I am not one that just sits and waits! I hate just sitting around and waiting for anything. I'm trying to keep busy. My kids  and Sam have been keeping me busy most of the day, I've had a lot of phone calls to make for different things like getting all my stuff sent and transfered to Drexel so that I can start classes in January and I've been trying to finish up the Yeakley Family Calendar. Searching through pictures and making corrections on dates.

Trying to think of other things to keep my mind off of everything... 

Chloe was great on Saturday night, handing out candy to all the Trick-or-Treaters :) She LOVED it and had a blast! It was funny though because at first she handed out massive handfuls and I told her to not give out as much so we didn't run out.. then she handed out some kids 1 tootsie roll... it was one extreme or the other haha.. she had her spot on her stool sitting by the door so she could see them coming, she would get so excited and they would be all the way down the street. One time she yelled "mom, mom theres more coming!" I looked out the window and said Chloe calm down, they are down the street. And she yells, "oh mom, don't get your knickers in a twist! HAHAHA WHAT?! I couldn't believe those words came out of my 4 year olds mouth! The things she says I don't know where she gets them from and how she got such an amazing imagination. This is the whole reason I've started my "thats what she said" project! :) 

Yesterday was Halloween :) Liam's First Halloween to be exact! & my sweet little boy got tooth #5! I was so proud when I saw it and then I could see the 6th one just about ready to cut through too! He is really into trying all sorts of new foods so I am glad that he is getting more teeth. So far in the past few weeks he's tried some grilled chicken breast, chicken tenders, noodles, sweet potato fries and french fries. And he now regulary has banana, apple and peach slices, toast or toasted bagel, waffles, animal crackers and hard pretzels. He has loved it all!! We did our monthly trip to the commissary yesterday and picked out a new baby snack, Apple maple puffs which he tried today and loved! Yesterday I was sitting down on the living room floor having a piece of cannoli cake and he was climbing all over me trying to get it, so I gave him a taste and mmmmm :) 

Well thats enough blogging for today, I don't like to feel like I'm whinny and thats how I feel now so its time to get into the kitchen and try out a new recipe for dinner...meatball and spinach calzones :) 

Until next time... 

 Liz 

Fennessey Family Halloween weekend :)

Ok so yesterday got crazy busy so I didnt blog but I have to update on hubbys bday! it was a big success! the cannoli cake turned out great!! :) 

Chloe had a great time helping me and get the presents ready and Liam was fascinated by the cake covered in candles! Can't wait to see how he reacts to his 1st birthday cake which will only be 5 short months from now! Its crazy how fast the time goes by... just a little past his 1st birthday and we will be saying good bye to the Army life and hello to NY and our families again! 

before I go on I have to say thanks for the support from all my friends and everyone that said something to me about my previous post. It was hard for me when I was writing about my mom but I think it really helped and I needed that! The support and encouragement from everyone means a lot to me. I want to post my 101 in 1001 list soon and reconnecting with my mom is something I put on it...even if reconnecting just means taking the first step in writing to her....

Yesterday was a great day! I found out in the morning that I didnt have to work which was a nice break and it was just me and my kiddos all day long :) I very much enjoy days like that! It was also payday which who doesnt love pay day..haha.. Chloe was supposed to have dance class but she asked not to go so that we could make it to trick or treating downtown, so I let her skip it and we waited for daddy to get home and then it was off to downtown to meet her "bf" LOL Chloe's bf Robert, or husband as she sometime likes to call him will end up in our stories ALOT. She loves him and we are pretty fond of the whole family so we spend alot of time together! :) :) They will def be missed alot once we move away from here! Trick or treating was fun I love downtown Fayetteville and all the stuff they do, there is always something going on, the festivals, parades and fun stuff for the kids makes fayetteville not such a bad place to live. and of course dinner at Beef O'Bradys after was delicious!! 

Of course fun times can always be brought to an end with sadness... on the drive home my sister called and told me that my poppop would be coming home from the hospital on Saturday. That was great until she said they are bringing him home to a hospital bed in the living room and will have hospice nurses coming in to help keep him comfortable...I heart fell into my stomach! I've known that this could have been coming for a long time now but I'm not ready for any of it. My poppop had a stroke in the spring of last year, hip replacement surgery over the winter and has had many problems that have been found since then. Now his liver and kidneys are failing and making his heart and lungs work too hard. Because my mom was absent in our lives my poppop and mommom have always been such a huge part of it. They live about a 2 min drive away from my dads house..poppop would get us on and off the school bus each day, if we were sick and needed to stay home from school we were at poppops house, alot of vacations and trips we did together, they are more than grandparents to me! Almost every major event in my life up until now, they have been apart of, they even traveled down here this past May for my college graduation!!
I picture and always will see my poppop as the tall strong man that would throw us around in the pool over the summer or go to hershey park and ride all the roller coasters with us! Or pulling in the drive way, seeing the ladder on the side of the house and poppop up on the roof fixing it again. I want to go to PA soon... and I'm going to I just need to figure it out and soon! 

Well now I suppose its time to get back to the trick or treaters... Chloe has been taking care of the door and each time someone comes she's like come on mom lets go!! we open the door and she hands out the candy to all the kids! In cumberland county where we live, they have trick or treating tonight and tomorrow in hoke county (which is right down the road) they have it, so tomorrow we will be going Robert's house to go trick or treating together! Chloe is sooooo excited! :) 

Hope everyone has a Happy Halloween! and a good rest of the weekend! 

Until next time... :)

Let's get this started..

Well where do I begin...who am I?
the things that define me the most and mean the most to me in my life- I'm mom to 2, my little princess and my little man <3 wife to the love of my life, the daughter of a father of 6, the big sister to 5, a godmother, an aunt and a best friend :) 

All of these roles and people play a large part in my life and my life wouldn't be the same without any of them..

Today just so happens to be my husbands birthday... the love of my life is 25 today :) halfway to 50 is what I've been telling him haha...and what makes this day even more special is that we get to celebrate it together! You might think that sounds crazy... you get to celebrate your husbands birthday with him.. well of course thats how it should be but it hasn't been like that for us. Sean and I have been together since he was 19. Birthday 20, 21, 23, and 24 he was deployed for so being home for the big TWO FIVE is just another reason to celebrate!! :)

My 4 year old LOVES birthday's! She gets sooo excited when she hears about someone's birthday that she wants to plan a party, go shopping for presents, make cake. etc... she wants anything and everything that is birthday related. This morning as soon as she woke up she came into my room yelling mom today its daddy's birthday we have to get things started. So we started out by making Sean a surprise breakfast. He had physical therapy class this morning so would be coming home first before having to go back to work. As daddy got home breakfast was served along with a card, Chloe made for daddy :) 
The rest of this day is filled with other surprises. Chloe helped me to wrap the presents, bake a special canolli cake which I pray comes out perfectly! I've never made it before but Sean requested this for his bday cake and he claims that he hasn't had cannoli cake since before he came into the Army so I sure hope it tastes good!! We will see...


Along with birthdays come the mail... birthday cards from family. My gram, who is my grandmother on my mother's side of the family sent a package which we received in the mail yesterday. It included a birthday card for Sean from her but also a birthday card and letter to him from my  mother and a letter for me. Not many people know about  my mom or ever hear me talk about her. She has done so much wrong in my life and in hers that I havent seen her in about 6 years due to the awful things that she has done to me m my family and herself that then put her in jail. the majority of memories I have of my mom are bad. She left when I was 6 years old. After she left it was just my dad, me, my 2 sisters and my brother. It was hard. Growing up at times was very miserable. And luckily we had mommom and poppop (dads parents) less then 5 minutes away!
Every time mom showed up it was brief and it was great until it got bad and then she was gone. Or she would say she was going to take us for the weekend and we'd be waiting out in the front yard riding bikes and playing and she would never show. It was hard for my dad to raise us on his own esp with no financial support from her, it was hard for all of us to not have a mom around and when she was around things always turned out bad. It was even harder having to grow up earlier than anyone else I know, and help take care of my younger siblings at age 6.

After things got really bad we all stopped calling her mom and referred to her as Donna. Donna has been in prison so many times that at this point I've lost count. They were mostly minor things, like not paying child support and not showing up to court.. One time she ran off to FL and lived there with one of her bf's and when she came back she went in. Things got worse as time when on. She went in when I was 16 because while she taught me to drive she stole my debit card, deposited empty envelopes into the account and then made withdrawls. By the time I found out and the bank caught wind of what was going on, there were thousands of dollars negative. I had to press charges against my mom in order to fix it all otherwise I would have been held responsible for it all. She didn't stay in long because although she was charged with over 60 accounts of fraud, it was her first offense and she was let out on time served. After that I didn't see or hear much about her until July 2005.

July 1st, 2005 Sean and I were married... about a week later I moved to NC and a few days after that I sent my husband off on our first deployment to Afghanistan. A few weeks later my sister calls and tell me to check out the local news website back home and sure enough my mom is one of the top stories. Again she is in trouble and this time it's even worse and now she is in prison and has been there ever since. Each time she is there she's always written letters and each time they seem to say the same thing over and over again.. she's sorry, she will change things and make things better next time... almost 20 years of apologies and I can't find myself to forgive her yet. Her letters seem so fake to me. I want the truth I want to know what's real! I don't want to hear that you love me and your sorry and you think about me all the time.

But you know I do hope that she thinks about me all the time. I hope that she thinks about all of us all the time. I hope she thinks about how she missed out on all 4 of her children's high school prom's and graduation. I hope she thinks about how she missed out on her first child's wedding, the birth and enjoyment of her 4 grandchildren, her first child's college graduation, her only son's basic training graduation and so much more! I hope that she realizes that because of the mistakes that she made and the choices she's made in her life that at this time none of us can ever see having a future with her. There was one time in the past 5 years that I really wished she was different and it was as I laid in the hospital the day after the birth of my beautiful baby girl. I just laid there alone looking at my baby. It was hard, my husband was in Iraq and I was all alone. I had the support of some friends during labor but after that it was just me and miss Chloe. That was a time where I thought I wish I had my mom. And not the mom that I have but the mom I remember. The mom she use to be when I was little. That read me storied and tucked me in at night. The mom that showed her love and didn't destroy everything. My sister and I each have 2 children, which now makes her the grandmother to 1 girl and 3 boys. And we are completely unsure of how to go about the explanation of their grandmother. 


My daughter asked me last year if I had a mommy. She said to me, "mommy I love you so much and I love grandma so much and grandma is daddy's mommy so do you have a mommy too?" it broke my heart to hear that question and wonder what to say. I told her the partial truth for now. Or the truth that she could understand at the time. I told her I did have a mommy but she did some bad things so the cops put her in jail. And she said to me, "momma thats terrible, I hope she is a good mommy one day" I always hoped for that too. There were many times that even though I knew I had a pretty sucky mom I just hoped and prayed that one day she would straighten her life out and we could be a family... I don't know if we'll ever get to that point.. and I'm not sure that I even want to. My husband thinks that some day it might be a possibility. He knows that I have a big heart but I'm not sure if its big enough to let all that hurt in again. I've had my guard up with her and I think I always will. 
This is the first time in a long time that I have thought about all of this and talked about it all. I think the new letter from her just brought everything back to me again. And I even considered writing to her. I don't know where I would begin but I've really considered it and still am... all because of a birthday card and a letter...sure makes you think.


Well I suppose that is all for my first blog esp now that I hear my son is up from his nap and its time to frost the cannoli cake... there is much more to come and I really hope to keep up with this!


I have a few new projects I am working on, my new blog included 
1. Chloe and Liam's baby books
2. "That's What She Said"- a collection of Chloe's phrases from the next year 
3. 2011 Yeakley Family Calendar
4. 101 in 1001 list.... was inspired but someone I know that is doing it too
all of these on top of working on my Christmas shopping 
and being a Thirty-One Gifts consultant


Wish me luck!