Never enough time..

Yesterday afternoon I called mommom to see how everything was going, I didn't talk to her long the night before because she was waiting for the ambulance company to bring poppop home from the hospital and waiting for the hospice nurse to come and talk with her about everything. Calling yesterday I found out a lot more about how the week in the hospital went and realized that things were even worse than I thought. He coded last Monday and was brought back because they didn't have his DNR, if I would've known that earlier I would be there now! Or would have made the trip up there before now :/

Today my sister called and said that he fell out of the bed last night, then my dad called me a few hours ago telling me that the whole family is there by his side. They don't think he is going to make it much longer. I hate being far away, I hate that I can't be there to see him, I hate that I'm not just a little bit closer so I could hop in the car and go! I hate that my brother is stuck in Texas, I'm stuck here and my sister is stuck at college until someone can pick her up. I have so many emotions running through me right now that I don't know what to say or how to feel, I'm sad, angry, frustrated, worried, jealous! yes I'm freaking jealous of everyone else that has had the time to spend with him. I'm jealous of the family that is less than 8-9 hours away and can be there for him and with him! I know that in times like this no matter how much time you get it wouldn't feel like enough but really there just isn't enough time! I wanted to go home this weekend to see him, I was looking up rental cars and flights...and now this...ugh! I miss my family and I miss poppop already! 

He hasn't been himself for awhile now but still every time I think of him I think of the past and how things have been growing up. I don't know anyone that has had such a close relationship with their grandparents like we have. Even all of my other cousins never seemed to have the same kind of bond. 

me and my poppop <3

Sam, Mommom, Cassie, Matt, Poppop and Me- Christmas 2009 & mommom and pops 51st anniversary

Now its just time to sit and wait for the bad news... and anyone that knows me well enough know I am not one that just sits and waits! I hate just sitting around and waiting for anything. I'm trying to keep busy. My kids  and Sam have been keeping me busy most of the day, I've had a lot of phone calls to make for different things like getting all my stuff sent and transfered to Drexel so that I can start classes in January and I've been trying to finish up the Yeakley Family Calendar. Searching through pictures and making corrections on dates.

Trying to think of other things to keep my mind off of everything... 

Chloe was great on Saturday night, handing out candy to all the Trick-or-Treaters :) She LOVED it and had a blast! It was funny though because at first she handed out massive handfuls and I told her to not give out as much so we didn't run out.. then she handed out some kids 1 tootsie roll... it was one extreme or the other haha.. she had her spot on her stool sitting by the door so she could see them coming, she would get so excited and they would be all the way down the street. One time she yelled "mom, mom theres more coming!" I looked out the window and said Chloe calm down, they are down the street. And she yells, "oh mom, don't get your knickers in a twist! HAHAHA WHAT?! I couldn't believe those words came out of my 4 year olds mouth! The things she says I don't know where she gets them from and how she got such an amazing imagination. This is the whole reason I've started my "thats what she said" project! :) 

Yesterday was Halloween :) Liam's First Halloween to be exact! & my sweet little boy got tooth #5! I was so proud when I saw it and then I could see the 6th one just about ready to cut through too! He is really into trying all sorts of new foods so I am glad that he is getting more teeth. So far in the past few weeks he's tried some grilled chicken breast, chicken tenders, noodles, sweet potato fries and french fries. And he now regulary has banana, apple and peach slices, toast or toasted bagel, waffles, animal crackers and hard pretzels. He has loved it all!! We did our monthly trip to the commissary yesterday and picked out a new baby snack, Apple maple puffs which he tried today and loved! Yesterday I was sitting down on the living room floor having a piece of cannoli cake and he was climbing all over me trying to get it, so I gave him a taste and mmmmm :) 

Well thats enough blogging for today, I don't like to feel like I'm whinny and thats how I feel now so its time to get into the kitchen and try out a new recipe for dinner...meatball and spinach calzones :) 

Until next time... 

 Liz